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  • Writer's picturejeffmcm


December 24, 2021

During a particularly bright local evening, unknown persons arrived in our town riding a donkey. These two, Joseph and Mary (both claimed single names), exhibited several factors prompting attention. Donkeys are not a known animal in this region. The female appeared pregnant yet claimed the male is not the father. Suspects might have been looking for termination of pregnancy or to abandon infant at the library (recently closed for harboring undesirables and fomenting unrest). The pair had few possessions and no money. Unable to afford conventional lodging, they expressed desire to bed amongst the animals, indicating a tendency towards unsanitary, unsafe, and anti-social practices. Being dressed provocatively and stating they were seeking “Bethlehem,” concern was expressed that they might be under influence of illegal substances or an alien ideology. Attempt to determine origins of accents and skin tones proved unsuccessful.

As suspects were casing the property, three known wiseguys arrived in private vehicles. Mobilized to protect our town, they gave no reason to doubt their good intentions. Being recognizably local without ethnic indications, driving American-made Ford F-150’s and bearing arms, the trio formed a “well organized militia” as guaranteed by our Second Amendment. These concerned individuals attempted a citizens’ arrest of the intruders, who attempted evasion and escape. Thievery having been reported recently in vicinity, force was justified to detain foreigners as persons of interest. These attempts at detention led to death of the two intruders.

The town remains secure, with stability preserved through rigorous assertion of citizens’ right to retention of property. Donkey has been taken into possession by the three defenders as compensation for damage to their own vehicle while protecting the community.

2021 Jeff McMahon

Source material:

Rick Rojas reporting from Brunswick, GA on Ahmaud Arbery murder trial. New York Times 11/22/21: “Defense lawyer for Gregory McMichael, Laura Hogue, described Satilla Shores, where Arbery was killed, as a neighborhood that aspired to a traditional idyll: Fourth of July barbecues, crocheting blankets for new babies, and residents keeping watch over their neighborhood. “We work hard for our stuff,” she said. “It’s ours and no one has the right to take it, and we should never have to fear intruders.”

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